354 Would you like foie gras and pickled cherries on that?

Hip restaurant server: “Would you like foie gras and pickled cherries on that?”

Me: “Actually no. Do you just have regular pickles?”

Hip restaurant server: “Um, no we don’t.”

Last night I went out to this burger place with some Wright State people who live in NYC. I was standing at the counter ready to order, and one of my colleagues asked, “can’t I just get a regular f*cking burger?”

Hear, hear brother!

Every burger had something fancy on it. Gruère and herbed mayo, Roquefort and sweet onion marmalade, pulled achiote-seasoned duck and roasted corn relish. The foodie army is taking over everything!

I know many self-professed foodies. It’s a club. It’s a trump card. These foodies will proudly list off all the hip restaurants they have eaten at like they are telling you which merit badges they earned, or how they lost their V card. I have had people look at me sideways because I had no idea what restaurant they were gushing about. So, with so many foodies in New York, I am certain the ordinary burgers of the world are in danger of extinction.

The most comical form of foodie explosion is when I go to something like a sporting event, and they have hot dogs, but only if you want pork belly pineapple chutney on them. Can I just get mustard and relish? Or when I go to a bar, where the gin and tonic on the menu has pepper basil infused tonic with charred ice. Do you have regular tonic? Do you have regular ice? I do enjoy creations such as these every once in a while, but sometimes I just want a regular hot dog with mustard and relish or a good old gin and tonic. Is that too much to ask?

I have had magnificent meals at some of these hip restaurants, but as it happens, everything in NYC is striving for that foodie edge. Soon we won’t be able to find regular fried chicken or grilled cheese! It will be molasses crusted chicken fried in duck fat or baked brie on a cronut wannabe.

Calm down NYC! There is no need to smother that cragel with crunchy raw kale garlic cream cheese, or put rose-water whipped cream on my olive oil gelato. Let’s try something simple for once. Who knows, it may be refreshing!


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