335 My Bum is on Your Bag


Just about every day I am inappropriately touched on the train, by bags, in particular women’s bags. This morning I spent 20 minutes with a nice camel color leather sling smashed right between my ass cheeks. I wiggled to the left, and to the right, to no avail. The corner of the camel color leather sling wound right back in my butt. To my dismay, this is somewhat a daily occurrence on my crowded commute. It could potentially be a height issue as I am generally one of the tallest persons on the train, but it sucks.

Having a purse stuck in your butt doesn’t feel nice, and it’s really annoying. I have asked people to move their bags, I have placed my bag on my butt to prevent entry, and I have even moved away from the abuser only to find someone else’s bag in my ass. The picture above is of a set of bags that were in my butt last week. Looks fun, doesn’t it?

Ladies, please pay attention to your belongings on the train! Your bags have a mind of their own, and now your Louis Vuitton has just spent a whole train ride up my butt. It may have had a good time, but I sure didn’t, and I am sure you wouldn’t be happy to know of its whereabouts.

I want to start handing out business card to these butt offenders that say, “Hi! You just willingly placed your bag in my ass crack. I just thought you should know, as I broke wind all over it. You may want to have it cleaned. Have a blessed day.”


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