279 The Killer Roach of Astoria (My First Roach)


One night after being at the Bohemian Beer Hall and Garden in Astoria, I came home and out of my purse crawled a roach that was truly gigantic. To be fair to the Beer Hall, I was sitting outside with my purse on the ground, so their establishment is not to blame.

I swatted at the damn thing, and despite its large size, it ran like a maniac until it was hidden underneath my couch. This was my first interaction with a roach, and I didn’t know what to do, so I ran into my bedroom and hid for the rest of the night.

The roach wasn’t visible again until the next day when I was in the living room watching TV. It crawled out from beneath me and headed for the kitchen. I tried to kill it, but it made it back to the couch before I could assassinate. Completely freaked out, I sat on the couch with my feet tucked up underneath me staring at the floor for three hours.

This madness went on for two more nights, until I finally mustered up enough courage to kill the damn thing.

I had been patiently waiting with a Backstage rolled up in my hand, when the roach decided to show its face again. When it got to the kitchen, I swung my arm and the Backstage hit it like a ton of bricks. I then drug its enormous body across the floor, leaving behind three feet of crushed guts smeared on the floor.

Victory was mine.


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