147 Lazy Sunday Confessions – I Don’t Have Schizophrenia


In 2007 I needed to make some extra cash, and I saw an ad in the local paper for a paid medical study.

The Ad said: Do you feel like you can predict when something bad is going to happen? Do strangers talk to you? Do you feel like you have magical powers? If you answered yes to any of these, join our paid medical study.

I sometimes get gut feelings about things, so I figured that answered the first question in the affirmative.

People randomly talk to me all the time when I am out and about. Friends have witnessed it and told me how weird it is, so that was a yes for question number two.

I have no magical powers, but it didn’t say I had to answer all questions in the affirmative, so I called and booked an appointment to join the study.

When I got to the hospital, they told me I had to first qualify for the study, and they had to test me. There were a lot of doctors coming in and out asking me questions, and I had to take a few written tests.

After three hours, a physiologist came in and said, “The bad news is…you do not qualify for the study. But the good news is… this is a study for people with schizophrenia, and you do not have schizophrenia.”

I laughed so hard I cried. In fact, as I write this I am laughing so hard I am crying.

They cut me a check for $100 and I was on my way, happy that I was not diagnosed a schizophrenic.


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