146 The Park Slope Harasser


I dog sat this weekend for someone whom I will refer to as X. X has a ground floor apartment with a fenced in backyard and a grill, and I was excited to enjoy this luxury.

Andy started up the grill on Saturday, and no complaints. Then Andy started up the grill again yesterday, and within 5 minutes the door bell was ringing.

X has an updated apartment, so I could see a video of who was ringing the bell outside. It was a plump woman in her 50’s with a short haircut, who looked mad as hell. I picked up the phone, and the conversation went like this:

Me: Hello

Harasser: Hi this is Y, is this X? I am stopping by because of the grill.

Me: No. X isn’t here right now.

Harasser: Well who are you? And why are you in X’s apartment?

Me: I’m the dog sitter.

At this point I stupidly let her into the building.

Harasser: (now face to face) Where is X?

Me: None of your business.

Harasser: Why are you using the grill? I told X not to use the grill. The smoke gets in my apartment and I am going to get cancer from it.

Me: X told me I could use the grill without the smoker.

Harasser: You can’t use the grill at any time. You need to stop grilling right now.

Me: X told me I could use it, and I am going to use it.

Harasser: (Walking away) You tell X that what X is considering a backyard is an alleyway. Not a backyard. NO GRILLING IN THE ALLEY. (slams front door).

Not a backyard? An alley? Obviously she needed a lesson on what an alley actually is.


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