In 2007, Andy and I went to see the Off-Broadway stage version of Die, Mommie, Die!
Before the show started, we heard a woman’s voice from the back of the theater yelling, “There you are!” and I knew right then, she was going to be a problem. The woman made her way to the third row and sat right behind us in the second row.
The lights went down, and the show started. Everything was calm until Charles Busch entered the stage, and there was thunderous applause. When the applause died down, the woman and her friend started talking loudly about how they couldn’t believe that Angela Arden (Charles Busch’s character) was right in front of them.
They shouted, “You go girl”, a few times, along with some other nonsense. The man next to me turned around and asked them to be quiet, to which the man sitting behind us responded, “Well I guess no one can have fun anymore.” Then they continued to get louder and louder, to the point where I could not hear the actors on stage, and they were 8 feet away from us.
Then the woman started saying Angela Arden’s lines in sync with Charles Busch in full voice. At this point Andy turned around and said, “Can you please be quiet?”, to which the woman responded, “Oh I am sorry, we have seen the movie a million times, and I love that line.” Andy responded, “Well it’s not a DVD, this is not your home, its theatre, and because of you I didn’t hear the line.
An HOUR of this continues with them being absolutely obnoxious when Charles Busch was on stage. Then when he wasn’t, they carried on full conversations about life, love, and how they didn’t remember this certain scene in the movie. The entire time, people are telling them to be quiet, and making the universal sshhhh noise.
Then in a blackout, they wouldn’t stop clapping, and a man behind them screamed, “You two are retarded!”
Finally, they had gotten so loud and distracting, Andy turned around and slowly screamed, “Would you shut the FUCK up?” Then they were silent for the last 20 minutes of the show.
Andy and I then walked to the Galaxy Diner for food. We sat down and a guy from a big table of people nearby came up to our table and extended both of his hands to Andy, and first said, “You are the guy who told those people to shut the fuck up. Thank you so much. They ruined the show for us.” All the people at his table turned, smiled, and waved.
With some cursing, Andy had saved the day.