Out Of My Control

After 13 years of being an NYC resident, I find myself getting stressed about things I shouldn’t worry about.

This morning I got to the train station and my subway was 2-minutes away! Woohoo!

But then I saw the train after mine was 15-minutes away and I got angry. It was totally ridiculous to get stressed over something that wasn’t going to affect me, but I did.

I started thinking about if I had left the apartment a few minutes later than I had, that I would have missed the train I was about to get on and that my commute would have been completely screwed up. I would have arrived at my station to see the lengthy wait and I would have had to walk to another line 10-minutes away because by the time the train arrived at my station it would have been packed and I would have to wait even longer for a train with fewer passengers and arrive later to work than I had planned.

Lots of unnecessary stress.

When I think about why I go down this maddening spiral, I realize that because the variables of my commute are almost entirely out of my hands, I worry about it more. Every day, when I leave my house, I have no idea what my commute will be like. Some days it’s fine, but more often there are issues with my commute that are indicative of a crumbling system that has been poorly managed.

The MTA is having a hard time delivering acceptable transit to their customers on a daily basis, but it’s still somewhat reliable. But is “somewhat reliable” acceptable in this day and age? I don’t believe it is.

Once I got on the subway my stress became a distant memory and I thought about how lucky I was to catch the train I did.

I only wish that my commute wasn’t such a crapshoot.